


Throw Away Your Emotions

by NeonNitrogen



Series: Don't Be A Meanie [3]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Arguing, Cussing, Kinda, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Prescription Drug Use, Pseudoscience, Science Fiction Elements, Sexual Assault, Why do none of my fics have nice happy endings anymore?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-24
Updated: 2016-10-24
Packaged: 2018-08-24 09:50:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8367802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NeonNitrogen/pseuds/NeonNitrogen
Summary: Wonwoo had never been the type of guy to give into peer pressure. Always liked to walk his own path and do what he felt was personally right. But you can only be so strong for so long, especially when there was something within reach that could make all his troubles disappear. (A story where Mingyu learns the hard way that even when you think you've been doing everything right, doesn't mean that nothing could end up wrong.)





	

Wonwoo’s blank eyes stared into worried ones, and it was then that Mingyu knew that everything in the world was sick, twisted, and wrong.

Every choice he had made up to this point had been worthless and meaningless and absolutely, positively _wrong._

\-------------------

Mingyu was 23 and scared. Not necessarily for himself, but for society. For everyone who was walking around clueless to what their decisions were doing to themselves and to the world.

Mingyu remembers when it hadn’t been like this. When emotions had been something to celebrate and enjoy. Not to repress and ignore.

It had started as a sort of fad, and people had only started to take part because of the novelty of it.

The drug had popped up without much warning, just one day appearing in the pockets of the evil and greedy. They sold for big bucks; so rare that they had merely started as a rumor, no one truly believing that there was an underground drug that could cause you to lose your emotions.

The majority of people who could get their hands on it would try it just to try it. To see for themselves if the drug actually did take away all your emotions. The worst part was that it _worked_.

It was soon after the rumors had just barely started to reach a level of more casual word of mouth exchanges that the government caught whiff and did what they did best; sieged it all for themselves and used it for their own agenda.

What used to be labeled an illegal and highly dangerous drug was now encouraged. Propaganda popped up seemingly out of nowhere, spouting to the masses the benefits and reasons as to why you should be taking the drug.

This has never been confirmed, but Mingyu had many theories as to why the government was so adamant for the drug to be used by the general public. With no emotions, no one would care about ethics or morals anymore. Scientific breakthroughs would be at an all time high. Their military would be free to use and explore all range of tactics without public drawback. Those were only just a few examples of the things the government would be able to do if the public had fallen victim to what it was encouraging.

It wasn’t until the government had cornered and captured parents interest that the general public had really started to accept the idea of the pills into their everyday lives.

Ironically, it had been the last thread of morals left that was in the way of a moral free world. Concerned parents worried for their children's well-being and about the drawbacks that could happen if they did take the pills.

But large and bold messages targeted parents’ weak spots, promising that if you gave them to your children that all your worries would disappear. Your stir crazy and crying toddler would no longer want to cry or to lash out. Your unruly teenagers would no longer feel the need or want to sneak out at night, to break rules and laws. They would be obedient and would sit through their studies and become the perfect well mannered kids their parents could only dream they would be.

But the absolute worst part about it was that the pills were  _addictive_.

Not in the typical sense, where your body would literally crave the drug. This time around, it was your mind that would crave it. Too lost in a world that was suddenly too colorful, beyond their comfortably limited spectrum of black and white that they had grown use to.

All those preteens who had been forced onto the pills for any length of time forgot what it was like to feel. Forgot what emotions felt like. So even if the children had somehow held onto any sort of sense of freedom to emotions and tried to get off the pills, they would inevitably change their minds. Missing the blissful state that came from being numb to your emotions.

The sudden onslaught from not taking the pills _scared_ them. Frightened them back into the safe hole that was their emotionless minds. Life was easier that way.

But most of all. Even though society was slowly losing it’s own humanity and Mingyu was helpless to stop it, he couldn’t help but truly and ultimately be afraid for what Wonwoo had become.

\-------------------

Mingyu remembers the first night Wonwoo had showed him the small, nearly translucent pills. It was just so unnatural to Mingyu, who held the pill high in the air, fascinated that he was able to see the light from behind the small pill pinched between his fingers.

They were 13 and young. They were rambunctious boys that not even the world could stop from fooling around and seeking mischief.

“Your parents bought these for you?” questioned Mingyu, his young mind overly curious.

Wonwoo nodded solemnly. “Yeah, they said they will help with school.”

Mingyu retracted his hand and gave Wonwoo a funny look. “Help with school? How could something so small help you with school?”

Wonwoo just shrugs and reaches out his hand to take back the lone pill. “They tried to explain but I didn’t really understand. Said something about how it’s suppose to make me calmer. But they said that it’s up to me if I want to take them though.”

Mingyu sent Wonwoo a wistful look. “Dang, your parents are so cool. Letting you make choices for yourself. Mine won’t even let me have chocolate cereal for breakfast.”

Wonwoo couldn’t help but giggle a bit at Mingyu. “Yeah, but that’s because they know that that is _all_ you would eat if you could.”

Mingyu laughed because he knew that Wonwoo was right.

Wonwoo was playing a bit with the pill, rolling it between his thumb and pointer finger when something Wonwoo had said struck Mingyu.

“But what do they mean by calmer? You’re already the calmest person I know!” exaggerated Mingyu, flinging his arms into the air for emphasis.

Wonwoo suddenly looked at Mingyu, his face an odd mixture of surprise and disbelief. “The calmes— I dunno about that Mingyu! I can be pretty uncalm if I want!”

And with that, Wonwoo sprung up to tackle Mingyu, trying to show by example just how uncalm he could be.

All it really did was leave the boys in a mess of limbs, both of their laughs resounding off the walls of Wonwoo’s room.

The boys untangled themselves when the moment passed, and Mingyu watched as Wonwoo returned to his spot on the floor. Wonwoo’s eyes widened suddenly when he noticed the carelessly discarded pill. He quickly picked it up before returning it to the orange bottle from where it came from.

A small silence fell between the young boys, their earlier jokes now put aside. These were adult matters they were dealing with and they both could feel the true weight of what the pills signified.

“....You’re not going to take it, right?” asked Mingyu, his voice meek and hushed.

Mingyu was answered by silence. He looked up, wondering what was keeping Wonwoo from answering, only to be greeted by the boy’s eyes already staring intensely at him. His face held a look that no 13 year old should have any right to bare.

A few more seconds ticked by, their connected stares passing along information that the other wasn’t even aware they were sending.

Finally, Wonwoo scoffed, and the pressure was lifted.

“No way,” answered Wonwoo as he got up off the ground. With determined steps, Wonwoo marched over to his rarely used desk before pulling open the drawer, deposited the pill bottle into the farthest corner and slammed the drawer shut with finality.

Wonwoo looked back at Mingyu expectantly. Mingyu just beamed up at Wonwoo, who smiled just as wide back.

They were 13 and too young to realize that even though they thought they were in charge and in a position of power, it really wasn’t the case.

\-------------------

They were 15 and growing into their rapidly growing bodies and personalities. The two of them still hung out just as often, but Wonwoo had stopped voicing his opinions as often. To Mingyu’s young mind, he really didn’t notice as much as he probably could have if he was older. They were both growing up and things were bound to change. Just like how Wonwoo was becoming less vocal, Mingyu was becoming more outspoken.

Mingyu figured that they were mirroring each other in a way; as one quieted, the other become louder. When you’re friends with someone for as long as they were, you started to understand things about each other without needing to verbally communicate it. Mingyu could read Wonwoo’s physical clues better than anyone, and he took pride in the fact that he basically knew what Wonwoo was thinking nowadays without being directly told.

They were currently hanging out at the park near Wonwoo’s place, both seated on the only 2 swings available. Mingyu was kicking hard, throwing all his weight into getting as high as he could, while Wonwoo was barely rocking in his seat, drawing small circles in the sand with the toe of his shoe.

“Mingyu..,” called Wonwoo, voice quiet. But Mingyu’s been trained, so he heard and stopped his vigorous swinging just so he could pay attention to what Wonwoo had to say.

It was when Mingyu was fully stopped that Wonwoo continued.

“My parents aren’t happy with me.” Wonwoo kept his gaze low and on his circles, his foot continuously swinging to make new ones.

“What do you mean?” asked Mingyu instantly, his voice concerned. Wonwoo’s parents were pretty cool in Mingyu’s opinion. They weren’t too strict and they weren’t too laid back. And Wonwoo was almost a model child except for when Mingyu could rope him into doing any of his spontaneous ideas. So to hear that they were mad at Wonwoo was something that actually caused concern to raise in Mingyu’s chest.

“They weren’t happy to hear that I still don’t want to take those pills.” Wonwoo’s voice was quiet, nearly a whisper, “I don’t like how they make me feel.”

Even though Mingyu was just a mere 15 year old, he wasn’t oblivious or stupid. He’s seen the news, and was able to connect that the pills that were going around were the ones Wonwoo had shown him a few years earlier. They were becoming more popular, but Mingyu’s parents weren’t a fan, so neither was Mingyu.

“They made you take them?!” shouted Mingyu, jumping out of his swing to stand in front of Wonwoo. The boy looked up, startled at Mingyu’s outburst.

Wonwoo’s eyes were wide and scared. Mingyu wasn’t sure if it was only because of him yelling, or if it was because of the impending wrath of his parents. All he knew was that he hated it when Wonwoo was scared.

Mingyu reached out, taking Wonwoo’s still slightly puffy cheeks (baby fat still hanging on stubbornly) in between his hands. It caused Wonwoo’s lips to scrunch together a bit, causing fish lips, but the scared look was now gone, replaced with eyes wide with wonder.

“Listen Wonwoo,” said Mingyu, leaning in close so there was nothing left for Wonwoo to even try to look at besides him, “Don’t _ever_ take them if you don’t like how they make you feel. You should have control over your own body and your parents shouldn’t force you to do something you don’t want to do.”

It may have just been Mingyu’s naturally unruly and slightly rebellious personality talking, but what he was saying was what Mingyu truly believed.

Wonwoo stared at Mingyu, eyes no longer wide. He seemed to be reading Mingyu, just like how Mingyu could read Wonwoo sometimes when it comes to what he wants and how he was feeling. But Mingyu wasn’t really sure what Wonwoo was seeing that he wasn’t saying, since he was being very outspoken about what he thought.

It was after a long pause that Wonwoo finally replied, “You’re right, Mingyu.”

Satisfied, Mingyu finally let go of Wonwoo’s face. He nodded once, happy to see that Wonwoo agreed. “And if they try to give you shit about it, I’ll just have to steal you away, so that they can’t force you to do anything you don’t want to do.”

Wonwoo looked at Mingyu scandalized, “Mingyu! You shouldn’t say bad words!”

And with that, the topic of Wonwoo’s pills was dropped and forgotten. No longer a problem in Mingyu’s eyes.

\-------------------

Mingyu was 19 and had grown into his body almost _too_ well. He had sprung up to stand in the top percentile of people, which came as no surprise to anyone, having already been a taller child. His body filled out wonderfully, just enough meat in all the right places. Wonwoo hadn’t been too far behind, also tall and filled out well. He was a tad bit skinnier than Mingyu, but his face had long ago lost the puffiness in his cheeks, face angular and eyes sharp.

Wonwoo was currently sitting on Mingyu’s bed, nose deep in a book and attention drawn solely to it. Mingyu was sitting at the foot of the same bed, their legs tangled together casually in the middle. Mingyu had his laptop in his lap as he typed away, a mild scowl prominent on his face.

A few minutes passed, the only sound filling the room was the clicking of the keyboard as Mingyu rushed to finish an essay for their history final. Graduation was rapidly approaching and Mingyu had never been good with deadlines. Or doing homework. So here he was, trying to finish last minute.

Mingyu groaned lowly, scratching at the back of head roughly, making a mess of his hair. Wonwoo hummed lowly in acknowledgment, eyes still glued to his book. Mingyu looked up just in time to watch Wonwoo push his round glasses back up his nose, the ones that Wonwoo had grown fond of wearing in the last year of school.

Mingyu took in Wonwoo for a few seconds more before groaning again, this time much louder and a lot more whiny. At that, Wonwoo flicked his eyes up to Mingyu, humming once again, but this time in question.

Mingyu placed his laptop to the side before crawling over to Wonwoo’s side of the bed, turning his head so that he could look at the pages Wonwoo was reading. Wonwoo eyed Mingyu pointedly as he made his way over, not saying anything until Mingyu flopped onto the bed, laying almost flush with Wonwoo’s side.

“Did you finish your essay?” asked Wonwoo, returning his attention to his book.

Mingyu groaned a final time, rubbing his face into Wonwoo’s shoulder. “Please let me take a break, the words are starting to swim in my eyes. I can’t even focus on the words in your book.”

Wonwoo brought one hand up to pat Mingyu’s head sympathetically, letting Mingyu mope into his shoulder. Mingyu took a few moments, just breathing in Wonwoo, letting his familiar scent calm his nerves.

Mingyu heard Wonwoo turn to a new page before he finally pulled away, pout now prominent on his face. Unwillingly, Mingyu felt a small pang of sadness in his chest at Wonwoo not giving him as much attention as he wanted.

But it wasn’t like it was something new. Wonwoo had grown to be quite independent, easily finding things to do on his own when Mingyu hadn’t been as available as he used to be when they were younger.

But for some reason, his nonchalance towards Mingyu’s presence was getting to him today.

So he pressed his head back into Wonwoo’s shoulder before rubbing his face back and forth, forcing Wonwoo’s body to jostle a bit on the bed.

“Mingyu..,” spoke up Wonwoo, “What are you doing?”

Mingyu pulled his face away, his hair even more of a mess than what it was before burrowing into Wonwoo’s shoulder.

“Let’s do something,” said Mingyu, ignoring Wonwoo’s question.

Wonwoo took in Mingyu’s messy hair and wide smile before sighing a bit and placing his book down to the side. “What would you like to do, Mingyu?”

A mischievous smile overcame Mingyu's face when a wonderful idea came to mind. Without warning, Mingyu pounced and pushed Wonwoo’s shoulders down to the bed, forcing a small gasp out of Wonwoo.

For a few seconds, the two of them skirmish a bit on the bed, causing Wonwoo’s book to fall off and onto the floor with a loud thunk. Mingyu was laughing, all the while trying to pin Wonwoo to the bed. Wonwoo couldn’t help but grunt a bit from the struggle, trying hard to get all of Mingyu’s bulk off the top of him.

But after just a few seconds, Wonwoo suddenly stilled below him. Mingyu had made it to where he was straddling Wonwoo’s hips, but the fact that Wonwoo had stopped fighting back caused Mingyu to stop too, a little breathless from laughing.

Mingyu looked down at Wonwoo, his hands pressing down on Wonwoo’s shoulders, keeping him pinned to the bed even though Wonwoo was no longer trying to escape.

“I win?” questioned out Mingyu.

“What are you doing, Mingyu?” asked Wonwoo, his glasses dangerous askew and nearly off his face.

“What do you mean what am I doing? We were wresting,” the playful banter in Mingyu’s voice was starting to fall away after really taking in Wonwoo’s expression. He didn’t look nearly as amused about all this as Mingyu had been. “We use to do this all the time.”

“Yeah. When we were kids,” said Wonwoo pointedly.

Mingyu couldn’t help but frown at Wonwoo’s tone. “What’s your deal?” asked Mingyu, mood quickly souring.

“Just get off me, you asshole. I don’t like you being this close.”

Mingyu had grown to be many things as he got older. Just like how Wonwoo’s personality had morphed over time, Mingyu’s own had matured and changed. But there was this one thing he was trying hard to work past, and it was his hot temper.

“Asshole?” muttered out Mingyu, like he couldn’t quite believe what Wonwoo had just said. “Being this close? Dude, since when did me touching you bother you?”

“For a long fucking time now actually,” snapped back Wonwoo, “So just get the fuck off me.”

Mingyu’s eyes darkened with anger. Since when did Wonwoo start acting this way? Had he really hated it as much as he said he did?

Instantly, all real rational thought left Mingyu’s mind. Wonwoo’s confession was the final straw, finally making the pile of things Mingyu had started to notice about Wonwoo and their staining friendship too heavy to bare.

He hated the idea of Wonwoo hiding things from him. He hated the idea that Wonwoo was starting to distance himself from Mingyu, whether he really knew he was doing it or not. He hated that their friendship was apparently waning to the point that he could no longer read Wonwoo as well as he used to.

And Mingyu had no idea what to do now with Wonwoo’s admission. It caused a storm of emotions to swirl in his mind, and it was making Mingyu almost dizzy. Wonwoo’s words had cut deep since Mingyu wasn't use to actually fighting with Wonwoo.

In that moment, all Mingyu’s mind allowed him to process was that he was hurt, so it was only right to _make Wonwoo hurt too_. Force him to feel just as bad as Mingyu was suddenly feeling. So he did what his mind said was right to do, and decided to take it out on Wonwoo in any way he could.

Mingyu couldn’t help but raise his eyebrow, a sadistic smirk appearing on his face. “ _Oh_? You really hate me touching you? Do you hate it _now_?”

And without warning, Mingyu lined up their hips and ground down as hard as he could. A sudden gasp came out of Wonwoo’s mouth before he flashed his eyes down to their connected crotches.

If Mingyu’s mind hadn’t been so clouded, he would have known how _wrong_ his actions were. How violating he was being in that moment. But Mingyu was upset and mad and all he could think was ‘Wonwoo apparently hates it when you touch him, so touch him in the most personal way possible’.

Wonwoo seemed to be in a small state of shock, words failing him. Taking advantage of Wonwoo’s inability to act, Mingyu ground down once again, still not quite realizing what he was really doing through his anger.

Now that had seemed to kick start Wonwoo’s mind, who suddenly bucked up under Mingyu, trying to get Mingyu off him.

“What  _the fuck?!”_ yelled Wonwoo, words sounding almost pained.

But Mingyu weighed more than Wonwoo and he was staying firmly in place. It wasn’t until Mingyu got out a few more deep ruts that Wonwoo finally looked back up to Mingyu’s face.

It was the look on Wonwoo’s face that brought him back to reality. It held prominently shock and anger. But what had made it past the barriers Mingyu had put up in his anger was the fear in his eyes.

Wonwoo looked  _scared._ His face was flushed with a small blush and he looked absolutely  _terrified._

Mingyu _hated_ it when Wonwoo was scared. And the fact that _Mingyu_ was the reason why Wonwoo was looking at him like this, eyes fearful and glistening with borderline tears, was the thing that finally brought Mingyu out of his angry storm.

And like a screeching crash, Mingyu was hit hard by just what he was doing. That he had just fucking  _sexually assaulted Wonwoo._ His best friend. The closest person he had in his life. And he just fucking betrayed him in ways that a best friend should have never done, no matter how mad he had been.

Wonwoo took advantage of Mingyu’s revelation to finally shove him off, causing Mingyu to hit the bed hard. When he looked up, he barely saw the tail end of Wonwoo running out of his room, the door slamming loudly behind him as he made his exit.

In the sudden quiet all Mingyu could hear was his heart pounding in his chest, too loud in the suddenly empty room.

\------------------- 

If Mingyu had the ability to look back at his life, somehow organized into nice little chopped up chapters, he might have seen this coming. But life wasn’t like that, and all change happened gradually. It happened secretively and without warning, and you only end up realizing something has actually changed until you had a defined spot to compare it too.

Mingyu was presently staring at that defined spot, and it hurt so much. 22 years of his life was spread out in front of him and it took something like this to finally realize what had been staring him right in the face for  _years._

His revelation came in the form of a present given to him by his parents. They had recently done some intense rummaging into their old memories stuffed in closets, and ended up digging out years of collected photographs. And for Mingyu’s 23rd birthday, they had made it into a beautiful put together scrapbook and gave to him as a present.

The scrapbook was ordered in timeline sequence, starting from when he was a baby, all the way to almost present. the last photo was taken about a month earlier when he had gotten hired at his dream job as an elementary school art teacher.

After flipping through it a few times, Mingyu noticed that over the years, there was only one thing that was consistent, and it had been Wonwoo at his side. Seeing his best friend as a tiny 10-year-old had brought a fond smile to his face, which stuck for the duration of him flipping through the first few pages of the scrapbook.

It was his third time flipping through the scrapbook and he decided to focus on Wonwoo this time around. It wasn’t until he had reached around age 15 that Mingyu started to notice something  _off._ It was a minuscule thing. Something that came about so naturally that the Mingyu of the time had never even entertained the thought that Mingyu was having right now.

But he was noticing it now. Wasn’t Wonwoo smiling less?

Mingyu couldn’t help but scrunch his face up into something in the spectrum of confusion and a scowl. He couldn’t have been right.

But a quick flip back to the beginning confirmed Mingyu’s newly settling fears. At a young age, Wonwoo would smile without restraint. But in the 15 years of age photos, they had become smaller and a little more rare to see.

Some might have considered that it just looked like he had grown shy and that’s what Mingyu had started to reason with himself. Hadn’t he already known that Wonwoo had become shyer over the years?

But now. _The_ thought was in his mind. An idea seeded into his brain that maybe, _maybe_ it wasn’t just shyness. That Wonwoo’s closing up to the world and to Mingyu had come about with the help of something less natural than just personality development and puberty.

And as Mingyu started to turn the pages and got farther down the timeline of his and Wonwoo’s life, he saw it.

Not only were Wonwoo’s smiles diminishing, it was the other spectrum of emotions that were disappearing too.

The tear stained face of a scared Wonwoo after getting out of their very first haunted house had greeted Mingyu somewhere around age 14, but by age 20, there weren't _any_ signs of emotion. All that was left from 21 and on were small, polite smiles. Only done as an act for the camera.

Mingyu shut the book with a heavy, resounding thud. His heart was hurting, pounding, and he knew he couldn’t rest until he clarified this with Wonwoo himself.

\----------------------

Mingyu had called to see if Wonwoo was available to come over that night, something Wonwoo had easily agreed to. It was when they were settled into their usual spots on Mingyu’s couch that Mingyu finally spoke up.

“Wonwoo…,” began Mingyu, his voice weary but unwilling to beat around the bush, “did you start taking those pills?”

Wonwoo looked over at Mingyu, his face heart-wrenchingly blank. Mingyu couldn’t help but ask himself, had it always been like that? This  _must_ have been a recent development. How could Mingyu go on with his daily life for so long  _without noticing something so vital?_

“What do you mean, Mingyu?” asked Wonwoo. Had Wonwoo’s voice always been so even? So  _emotionless?_

“ _The pills._ The one’s your parents tried to get you to take a long time ago,” explained Mingyu. He could only hope that Wonwoo was acting clueless because he actually didn’t know about any pills.

The subject of the pills would be brought up sporadically during their lifetime, and Mingyu wouldn’t shy away from telling Wonwoo just how opposed he was to the idea of losing your emotions. But the topic of Wonwoo’s personal prescription of pills had only come up a handful of times when they were kids, and when Wonwoo had stopped bringing them up all together, Mingyu had assumed that they were out of the picture.

Mingyu had never even entertained the idea that Wonwoo would have kept them, let alone  _wanted_ to take the pills after all.

“I know what pills you’re talking about,” started Wonwoo, his eyes now drifting off to some corner of the room, like he couldn’t be bothered to keep his full attention on Mingyu for too long, “I was wondering what you meant by ‘start’.”

Mingyu’s heart dropped. Hit rock bottom somewhere deep in his stomach, but must have somehow bounced back up to lodge deep into his throat, since Mingyu had suddenly lost his ability to speak.

Mingyu swallowed thickly, cleared his throat, and kept his eyes trained on Wonwoo and only Wonwoo.

“Alright, I’ll rephrase then. _When_ did you start taking those pills?” Mingyu’s voice sounded hoarse with emotions even to his own ears.

Wonwoo’s wondering gaze had settled back on Mingyu and he couldn’t help but fear what he saw. What he didn’t see.

“I think I started taking them regularly a few years ago? I can’t remember exactly when I finally fully committed,” casually answered Wonwoo, like he was just asked what the weather had been like a week ago.

This was too much information to digest. The room seemed like it was starting to spin at the corners of Mingyu’s vision and Wonwoo was sitting too casually on the other end of his couch.

How could he  _not realize?_ He wanted to yell. Scream. Fight. Do  _something t_ o show just how upset he was that Wonwoo had apparently been on those pills for  _years._

_And never told Mingyu._

But he’s had his fair share of dealing with those who were on the pills. And he knew that he would get absolutely nowhere by yelling at someone who felt no emotions.

“ _Why?_ ” choked out Mingyu. His voice sounded raw, almost like he had just finished screaming. He honestly wished that that was the case.

Wonwoo’s eyes bore deep into his own. But with a small tilt of his head, he answered, “Because I realized I loved you. And I couldn’t deal with that back then. It’s much easier now.”

The admission was hard to swallow. A heart wrenching, tilt of the earth kind of realization. There were so many questions running through Mingyu’s head. Wonwoo had loved him? He loved him and never told him? Wonwoo’s feelings had been so overwhelming that he ended up turning to those pills?

But one last question flitted across his mind that rocked Mingyu’s core and soul.

 _Mingyu_ was the reason why Wonwoo couldn’t feel emotions anymore?

Without thinking, Mingyu leaned over and reached out across the expanse of the couch so he could grab a hold of Wonwoo’s hand, easily lacing their fingers together. Mingyu had always sought out Wonwoo’s warmth for comfort during their friendship together. The movement had been as natural as it had been for him back when they were 13, and the warmth of Wonwoo’s palm against his own helped a bit.  But had Wonwoo always sat this far from him?

But instead of any of those questions, Mingyu had finally forced out the only one he really wanted to get an answer to.

“And do you love me now?”

Wonwoo hummed a bit before standing up from the couch, creating distance between the two and forcing Mingyu’s hand to pull out of Wonwoo’s own. It was with his back to Mingyu that he finally answered.

“I don’t feel anything, so no, I don’t.”

**Author's Note:**

> ....Yeahhh.... 
> 
> Maybe one day I'll start writing fics again that actually have happy endings.
> 
> Today was not that day.


End file.
